Once upon a time a book was being written, but no words materialized in the word processor. Only the blinking of a cursor indicated its existence. Apparently that’s what happens when someone has only a confused jumble of thoughts, questions, history, and baggage; they stay locked inside, shaking the bars and begging to be freed. And that, in short, is why I have created this blog. My hope is that informal posts of questionable length and substance will somehow be the springboard for something more like the ideal volume that resides in my mind.
This will be a blog about Judaism. Or rather, my Judaism. We will explore the tales of a Lubavitch kid turned into a neo-Chareidi semi-Bais Yaakov girl turned into a Gemara-toting Minyan-going MMY girl turned into an aspiring Talmud scholar turned into an agnostic Tel Aviv-ite.
As if it were not enough of a challenge to get to know each of these disparate selves, I would also like to deal with some of the religious concerns that are facing my current self. For a while now, my primary occupation has been to create as much space between me and my old life as possible and attempt to plug the holes that it ripped in my being. Now that enough time has passed, I have begun to wonder what role Judaism might play in a secular world. The answer might very well be none at all, but I cannot help but consider: Can Jewish texts be meaningful without God? Is there something to maintaining a Jewish identity without halakhic practice?
In my experience thought fragments only become organized into real ideas when they are set into words - whether through writing or discussion. My hope is that this blog will become the best of both worlds. I will plow the rocky terrain of my mind in order to develop ideas worth sharing so that readers can critique, examine, and add. Maybe something will come of this experiment. Maybe I’ll learn something new, if only how to talk about everything that has happened.
